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I go shopping at Sainsburys once a week (ish), it’s not that I’m posh or really like Jamie Oliver or anything it’s just the closest supermarket of a decent size. Anyways, so once a week I wonder down - either on a weekend or after work - with my big hiking backpack, a couple of ‘bags for life’ and occasionally the woman.

I wander round shouting at people in my head (I do the shouting in my head, not the people, they’re real honest) picking up food, elbowing people in to the butter and shoving the cheese starers.

Then comes the fun bit, the checkout. So there I am - I’ve got my stuff all arranged on the conveyer belt, I’ve got my bags all ready and I’m reading the covers of the crappy magazines they always put near the checkout. Like the Sainsburys magazine - seriously who would pay money for that?!

Then it’s my turn - I say hello - the checkout droid says hello. Then it happens. Picture the scene: Guy with big arms with a big rucksack and two bags for life (optional woman). So what do we think the checkout droid says next?

a) dude you totally don’t need any help packing
b) don’t I see you every week
c) would you like some free cheese
d) mwheerrrr herwan herwan
e) do you need any help packing

Yes you’ve guessed it - it’s e. No I don’t need any fucking help packing, do I LOOK like I need any help packing, I even play tetris in my lunchtime - I’m a bloody packing god!!! I could tesselate your face on to the back of my hand! Don’t ask me such stupid questions!

This kind of thing also happens to emma, when we’re in GAP they’re always asking “Did anyone hel you with your purchase today?”. Who cares?

/rant end

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