Before I start this rant, lets get a few things straight.

• The year is 2007. 2007 people!
• I can control my computer from anywhere in the world
• I can phone people in other countries for free over Skype
• My car has an MP3 player (though they’re called MP48’s in the future).

So why does a simple thing like moving house fuck everything up?? It’s not exactly unusual is it!?

What this boils down to is the fact that I pay Specsavers money and they give me contact lenses and I allow their emaciated opticians to shine lights in my eyes.

But recently I noticed I hadn’t received my lenses for a while so I thought I’d give them a call. It transpires that the peeps that make my lenses have decided to jack it in so I need to try a different make. Someone should have called me, but it’s not that big a deal I’m Ok, no one is getting torched yet.

So then I go to Specsavers to talk about some new lenses and they mention that I haven’t had an eye test since May 2005. 2005! Nearly 2 years ago!

Here’s the conversation with the emaciated Optician:

Woman: So err when was the last time you had an eye test?

John: Ummm I don’t know…last year maybe?

John-internal: How the fuck should I know?! Don’t you have all my records? What am I paying you people for? etc etc..

Woman: cos it says here it was May 2005

John: [silence]…..[possible eye twitch]

John-internal: ..hulk…smash…

Woman (chirpy): You should have received lots of letters reminding you…

John (loosing it just a tad): Just like I should have had a phone call telling me my lenses weren’t being made anymore?

John-internal: Oh yeah I got them, but I just thought: Screw my eyes and screw you bitch!

Woman: [silence]….

So if you hear about some place in Eastleigh doing an impression of a towering inferno, you haven’t seen me. OK?